Alright, i feel bad. I feel bad for not posting sooner.
I'm in a rough spot in my life, including school, money, relationship... just a mix of everything I can't handle at once. Then I forgot I had this blog, as if part of my life written on the internet didn't mean anything. But I've realized I need to pay more attention to myself. I need to do what makes me happy. And what makes me happy is my boy.

The trip to France was good, but I was sick the whole time. It all started when I thought I'd be cool and have some wine on the plane. Thought it would make me just fall asleep and I'd wake up in France. BUT NOOOOOOooo, I fell asleep for 10 minutes and woke up gagging... I had to tell the huge man next to me and old lady who was already sleeping to get up while I was holding puke in my mouth. So I made it to the bathroom and threw up all over the toilet seat and my shoes... The flight attendant told me she couldn't give me any meds. So i sat in my chair with a glass of water and felt my body turn into mush.
I got to France, ecstatic to see my boy, anticipating Amsterdam in a couple days...

But I was sick as a dog, my whole body was in pain. I somehow gathered the strength to get intimate with my guy, because horny is an understatement of what I was feeling.

And then the Amsterdam trip went to shit because there was a train derailment in Belgium a couple weeks prior, so there were no trains passing. The flights were too expensive as well.

Then we tried to go see this amazing castle, we got to see the wonder of it outside, but when we walked to go inside, they were closing in 15 mins and the bitch didn't let us in...

I could continue... but i think you get the point of how the rest of the trip went... but i'll also mention how the boy told me... "stay here, in france with me... and I'll take care of you.." ..... Can you imagine what i was thinking???? All i wanted to do was scream YES!! and cry and hug him. But then the fact of school, money owed for school, and how badly I hate being in school all crawled back into my brain....

Oh and then I got stuck in Montreal airport without my luggage for a day and half... just to conclude the trip you know...


So now i'm back home, in the same rut of missing him, and hating it here.

But i'm currently in the works of trying to get my ass back to france and taking classes there to finish my degree.. And there's still the possibility that the boy will be moving here for a bit...

Its all a bunch of 'what if's' at this point isn't it..

OH! and the other day I did shrooms for the first time I can remember and It was quite the trip. I ended up having a break down in my room and listened to music while I made love with a canvas and paint. But then the high disappeared and I was left with my hands full of paint lol.
Not doing that again for a while..

Hope I wrote enough shit to make up for lost time.. lol.

Benny

PS. What does everyone think about this chatroulette?

WOOOOO

In a matter of 24 hours, I will be on a plane on my way to see my boy in France. I get more excited every second. I think of what I'm going to do to him when I get there. Then I feel bad about the pain he'll be in for a couple days, limping about Paris because I plowed him too hard. But anyway, I just want to get there, sitting on a plane for hours and hours is not my cup of Tims.

I've yet to finish packing or get all the homework done... because I'm too fucking excited!!!

The bf and I had mentioned threesomes and stuff before but never went any further than just talking about it. We would talk about fooling around in public areas too lol. But I'm scared to try and get some naughty scenarios on the go without sounding weird to the bf. Do europeans do that kind of stuff? I'd have a threesome with him and girl before i'd do it with him and another guy. I feel like there wouldn't be as many awkward moments or jealous eyes if it was some broad we asked to join us lol. I dunno, you guys got any ideas for some out of the box sexy time?

If we make it to Amsterdam like we're planning, I'm def going to one of those sex museums lol.

That bump.

So I don't know about you.... but I have a weakness for a guy in sweat pants. Well not any guy, but when a fit guy, is walking about in (preferably gray) sweatpants, the shape of the butt is just accentuated profoundly. Then of course, there's the bulge. And you can always tell what kind of underwear they're wearing too by how the dick is pressed against the front for your viewing pleasure. They just scream sporty, lazy and comfort all at the same time. Or what I like to say "jump in, there's plenty room". But you gotta think, these guys have to know it's on display, so you also gotta think, are they purposely flaunting? I think so!

















It looks like I got a job! Not one I'm very proud of, but I think i'll be making some money. Room mate and I are going to be buying and selling iphone accessories and services at my school. I've already bought a bunch of stuff because you show me a bunch of stuff that comes in different colors... I'm sold!


















fuck I should start going to the gym ... -_-

Lazy Hazy Ass

Alright.. So I'm blazed out of my face right now so bare with me.

So I'm seeking something.. for the most part I'm seeking motivation. I need motivation towards school, towards friends, my painting. I'm also seeking a direction. I'm doing a french major, but for what? I don't really want to be a teacher, my mom was a teacher for 35 years, and still substitute teaching once or twice a week and I can only remember her saying that she wouldn't recommend working in education for anyone. But I'm lazy as fuck. But I have fun being lazy, but between being lazy and my constant procrastination I'm occasionally thinking about how I should be doing something else. Should I be taking meds? I'm not sure.



The time is drawing nearer when I see my boy. We keep msging each other and hinting on different activities we're going to do and different cities we could go see. I know we shouldn't be doing that because it's bad to plan and get your hopes up for things that might not happen. But it's crazy how excited I am. I doing shit at saving up money for this trip though... When I have money I spend it. When my cute room mate is asking me if I want to go for sushi with the crew, I don't think (hm, I shouldn't eat out instead of groceries).. I'm thinking.. (Yes roomie, shoot gun!)

Couple more paintings to show you guys...
Open to comments!

Birthdays, undies and sand

So, I'm not sure why it took me so long to post again on here... I'd think about it a lot, but never brought myself to do it. But ANYWAY! It's my birthday! I am 22 years old. Which seems like such an awkward age. I'm in between those years where u could go to the bar, and the years you don't want to come lol. I can't even see myself being 30...
We're having a Pot Pot Luck here at the house tonight! Everyone is supposed to bring either food or some weed, or both. Should be interesting, bunch of people in my house just high out of their faces and eating like pigs. Can't wait lol.

I don't know if this is the case for everyone, but do you have those certain pairs of underwear where when you're wearing them, it means you desperately need to do laundry? Well that's my case. I have the worst possible pair of nasty white underwear on. And all I want is to get to the mall so I can buy some nice hot undies. But I have no car. And i'm too lazy (and it's my b-day) to do laundry today. Usually i just go commando when there's no clean undies. But it's fucken cold out to have my jeans buttons rubbing against my junk at -10 degrees. I wanna get some Aussiebum undies sooooo bad! the Plobtr I think it's called. But is it worth spending that much for underwear?

27 days until I'm off to see the BF. I know this countdown isn't actually getting bigger, but to me it seems like it. Knowing that the only thing between me and him is time, just makes time that much more stubborn. Father time needs to get his shit together.

I wonder what father time looks like, I think how people portrait him is as an Old man with a bag of sand. Why can't it be a Sam Worthington look-alike running around in tights and throwing sleeping dust all my body... I mean place!I might post some more pics of paintings next time.

Clowns

Well. I already hate my classes.
Went to my 4000 level french grammar class high. That was a mistake. Luckily my table is the cool table and they all knew i was fucked, so the rest of the class just thinks i'm weird, which i'm totally okay with.
The bf still hasn't got his luggage back from chicago.. I feel so bad for him. All those nice clothes, his camera, his christmas gifts.. fucking airlines..

The room mates are drinking tonight, Danni's staying in and drinking, it's because she doesn't feel well enough to go out, but i like to think it's cuz she'd rather stay home with me hah.
I was painting with her earlier, now she locked her door and I can't finish my painting lol.
I ran out of canvases so I was painting a wooden board I found downstairs and some wooden boxes from the dollar store. The rest of the room mates think Danni and I are turning into pot head hippies. Oh well, I guess that's kinda what we are haha.

I've decided to post a couple more pics of one some of my paintings, they seem to attract attention and comments ha. The first one I did by looking of an image I had on my computer a few months back. The second I did free hand a couple weeks ago.
A lot of people say I look like the guy in this painting, that wasn't my intention, but I do agree with them. So this will probably be the closest thing you guys see as to what I look like .

I only had my iphone to take pics at the time, the colours really look better than this lol.

My work

So these are a couple paintings I've done. The first was from last summer and the 2nd is from last month. Keep in mind, I only paint when I'm high, so this is what comes to my head (if i'm not looking at something whilst painting). But yeah.. this is my hobby.

It's funny because after I painted the trippy colorful one my friends kept rotating it and wowing over how it looked cool either way. The bf keeps telling me that the eye is His eye. But i tell him no because his eyes are shit brown and this one is pure lol. Poor guy.

Back to reality

Well it looks like it's gonna rain again..
School has started, I already missed my class this morning. went to my second only to have the prof tell us that it was nice to us again and that it looked like our group got smaller, good afternoon.

I'm not yet prepared for school. I'm mentally still in vacation mode. fuck

Oh and the bf somehow got stuck in Chicago airport yesterday because of all the bullshit they've been doing over there now. he almost had a break down. But apparently he made friends with some new yorkers and Parisians and got a hotel paid for. I told him "well babe, i'll be the next one to stressed over traveling" while thinking "god I hope i'm not fucked like he is"

I miss him though

So I did two more paintings. And they're kinda creepy. I have this like Gothic clown thing going on. And everyone seems to be enjoying them. And a lot of people also mentioned selling them. So i'm beginning to wonder, should I try to market my paintings? How does one go about doing that? Should i start walking around with my amateur paintings in the city and ask random cafés to put em up on the walls? I dunno man...

I have an idea for the 3rd.

Would it be pretentious if I were to post pictures of some of my paintings? hmmm

[picture: Simon Nessman]

Bon voyage

Well.. the bf just left in a cab for the airport. Now there's 40ish days until I see him again.

I'm not a morning person, nor can I go back to sleep once i'm awake. So this morning I get to be sad and tired and restless. Great. I didn't cry this time when he left... neither did he... and that worries me... are we less emotionally attached now? Or does my upcoming trip to France in Feb make us not so sad when he leaves? I hope it's the 2nd one...

Even though the bf and I didn't really do much on his visit other than sit around and smoke and drink for most of the holidays, I had a blast. I love being around him so much, he makes me smile, and can suck a mean dick. Fuck I miss him...

We took it into the shower the other day. That's one of my favorite spots. Doesn't matter what kind of shower it is, it's always a good time. And you can't help but feel that since you're already in a shower getting clean... then you're more inclined to be dirty lol. You know what I'm talking about.

Oh and the bf once again managed to leave an article of clothing behind, a sweater this time. I don't know if he does it on purpose, or if he actually didn't have room in his suit-case, or he didn't like the way his sun-glasses fit.. I dunno... I can't complain lol...