So I'm seeking something.. for the most part I'm seeking motivation. I need motivation towards school, towards friends, my painting. I'm also seeking a direction. I'm doing a french major, but for what? I don't really want to be a teacher, my mom was a teacher for 35 years, and still substitute teaching once or twice a week and I can only remember her saying that she wouldn't recommend working in education for anyone. But I'm lazy as fuck. But I have fun being lazy, but between being lazy and my constant procrastination I'm occasionally thinking about how I should be doing something else. Should I be taking meds? I'm not sure.
The time is drawing nearer when I see my boy. We keep msging each other and hinting on different activities we're going to do and different cities we could go see. I know we shouldn't be doing that because it's bad to plan and get your hopes up for things that might not happen. But it's crazy how excited I am. I doing shit at saving up money for this trip though... When I have money I spend it. When my cute room mate is asking me if I want to go for sushi with the crew, I don't think (hm, I shouldn't eat out instead of groceries).. I'm thinking.. (Yes roomie, shoot gun!)
Couple more paintings to show you guys...
Open to comments!
Well Benny as far as you future is concerned I feel you have 2 main choices - that is to do something that interests you or inspires you or if you wanna be rich choose something that that will help you make a quid.
ReplyDeleteLaziness must be a universal pass time, over the years I have perfected it to a fine art - I have no trouble at work, but once I get home I just can't get of my arse.
Another clown - nice composition - I like it.
The second one is interesting and very dramatic, love the coloured thoughts or visions comming out of the eyes - I find it very intense and a bit disturbing.
Stop eating sushi now and save it for some of those great french eating houses - won't be long now - dosen't hurt to make plans, if they don't always work out it might be something way better that takes there place.
Regards Stef.
I find the second painting interesting as well. I can't see what exactly is in the visions for lack of a better word coming out of the eyes.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any wisdom on your perceived laziness/procrastination, but I agree that if you aren't interested in your field of study that it is difficult to become motivated. Have you considered a change in your field of study?
Well when I started uni I was in business classes. That went horribly wrong, so I changed to arts and took a bunch of psych and English courses to pass the time. I know I couldn't do math, or any sciences, so I was stuck. Then I did the study abroad to France and that put me with a French Major. I'm also approaching the limit of money my bank can give me for school. So in other words... I can't change my field. I'm forced to be in school for the sake of money, and my parents.
ReplyDeleteI should just shut up and finish it and stop complaining. But it's such a fucken downer to be doing something you don't really want to be doing...
On a lighter note, we got high and painted the kitchen today instead of doing our homework. It went from depressing purple to calm green. World of difference.
Benny!
ReplyDeleteI swear those CLOWNS! lol so i just don't always dig the subject matter- but dig the creativity.
You know you don't always have to go into fields that you have majored in.... but if there is something else you're interested in- maybe take a couple courses just so you can have some background in case it does help later on. many times though- its just important to get your degree and then you fall into something.... you'll be fine, things will work themselves out.
that is very cool about your trip- it will be here soon enough!!!!
your paintings are fucking amazing. god. every time i come to read this blog i think about getting high! haha you are going to make me relapse. 8 months today!! (holly shit. just had a sudden epiphany lol) yah. thats not going to last for very long. i give it another couple months.
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