Alright, i feel bad. I feel bad for not posting sooner.
I'm in a rough spot in my life, including school, money, relationship... just a mix of everything I can't handle at once. Then I forgot I had this blog, as if part of my life written on the internet didn't mean anything. But I've realized I need to pay more attention to myself. I need to do what makes me happy. And what makes me happy is my boy.

The trip to France was good, but I was sick the whole time. It all started when I thought I'd be cool and have some wine on the plane. Thought it would make me just fall asleep and I'd wake up in France. BUT NOOOOOOooo, I fell asleep for 10 minutes and woke up gagging... I had to tell the huge man next to me and old lady who was already sleeping to get up while I was holding puke in my mouth. So I made it to the bathroom and threw up all over the toilet seat and my shoes... The flight attendant told me she couldn't give me any meds. So i sat in my chair with a glass of water and felt my body turn into mush.
I got to France, ecstatic to see my boy, anticipating Amsterdam in a couple days...

But I was sick as a dog, my whole body was in pain. I somehow gathered the strength to get intimate with my guy, because horny is an understatement of what I was feeling.

And then the Amsterdam trip went to shit because there was a train derailment in Belgium a couple weeks prior, so there were no trains passing. The flights were too expensive as well.

Then we tried to go see this amazing castle, we got to see the wonder of it outside, but when we walked to go inside, they were closing in 15 mins and the bitch didn't let us in...

I could continue... but i think you get the point of how the rest of the trip went... but i'll also mention how the boy told me... "stay here, in france with me... and I'll take care of you.." ..... Can you imagine what i was thinking???? All i wanted to do was scream YES!! and cry and hug him. But then the fact of school, money owed for school, and how badly I hate being in school all crawled back into my brain....

Oh and then I got stuck in Montreal airport without my luggage for a day and half... just to conclude the trip you know...


So now i'm back home, in the same rut of missing him, and hating it here.

But i'm currently in the works of trying to get my ass back to france and taking classes there to finish my degree.. And there's still the possibility that the boy will be moving here for a bit...

Its all a bunch of 'what if's' at this point isn't it..

OH! and the other day I did shrooms for the first time I can remember and It was quite the trip. I ended up having a break down in my room and listened to music while I made love with a canvas and paint. But then the high disappeared and I was left with my hands full of paint lol.
Not doing that again for a while..

Hope I wrote enough shit to make up for lost time.. lol.

Benny

PS. What does everyone think about this chatroulette?

WOOOOO

In a matter of 24 hours, I will be on a plane on my way to see my boy in France. I get more excited every second. I think of what I'm going to do to him when I get there. Then I feel bad about the pain he'll be in for a couple days, limping about Paris because I plowed him too hard. But anyway, I just want to get there, sitting on a plane for hours and hours is not my cup of Tims.

I've yet to finish packing or get all the homework done... because I'm too fucking excited!!!

The bf and I had mentioned threesomes and stuff before but never went any further than just talking about it. We would talk about fooling around in public areas too lol. But I'm scared to try and get some naughty scenarios on the go without sounding weird to the bf. Do europeans do that kind of stuff? I'd have a threesome with him and girl before i'd do it with him and another guy. I feel like there wouldn't be as many awkward moments or jealous eyes if it was some broad we asked to join us lol. I dunno, you guys got any ideas for some out of the box sexy time?

If we make it to Amsterdam like we're planning, I'm def going to one of those sex museums lol.

That bump.

So I don't know about you.... but I have a weakness for a guy in sweat pants. Well not any guy, but when a fit guy, is walking about in (preferably gray) sweatpants, the shape of the butt is just accentuated profoundly. Then of course, there's the bulge. And you can always tell what kind of underwear they're wearing too by how the dick is pressed against the front for your viewing pleasure. They just scream sporty, lazy and comfort all at the same time. Or what I like to say "jump in, there's plenty room". But you gotta think, these guys have to know it's on display, so you also gotta think, are they purposely flaunting? I think so!

















It looks like I got a job! Not one I'm very proud of, but I think i'll be making some money. Room mate and I are going to be buying and selling iphone accessories and services at my school. I've already bought a bunch of stuff because you show me a bunch of stuff that comes in different colors... I'm sold!


















fuck I should start going to the gym ... -_-

Lazy Hazy Ass

Alright.. So I'm blazed out of my face right now so bare with me.

So I'm seeking something.. for the most part I'm seeking motivation. I need motivation towards school, towards friends, my painting. I'm also seeking a direction. I'm doing a french major, but for what? I don't really want to be a teacher, my mom was a teacher for 35 years, and still substitute teaching once or twice a week and I can only remember her saying that she wouldn't recommend working in education for anyone. But I'm lazy as fuck. But I have fun being lazy, but between being lazy and my constant procrastination I'm occasionally thinking about how I should be doing something else. Should I be taking meds? I'm not sure.



The time is drawing nearer when I see my boy. We keep msging each other and hinting on different activities we're going to do and different cities we could go see. I know we shouldn't be doing that because it's bad to plan and get your hopes up for things that might not happen. But it's crazy how excited I am. I doing shit at saving up money for this trip though... When I have money I spend it. When my cute room mate is asking me if I want to go for sushi with the crew, I don't think (hm, I shouldn't eat out instead of groceries).. I'm thinking.. (Yes roomie, shoot gun!)

Couple more paintings to show you guys...
Open to comments!

Birthdays, undies and sand

So, I'm not sure why it took me so long to post again on here... I'd think about it a lot, but never brought myself to do it. But ANYWAY! It's my birthday! I am 22 years old. Which seems like such an awkward age. I'm in between those years where u could go to the bar, and the years you don't want to come lol. I can't even see myself being 30...
We're having a Pot Pot Luck here at the house tonight! Everyone is supposed to bring either food or some weed, or both. Should be interesting, bunch of people in my house just high out of their faces and eating like pigs. Can't wait lol.

I don't know if this is the case for everyone, but do you have those certain pairs of underwear where when you're wearing them, it means you desperately need to do laundry? Well that's my case. I have the worst possible pair of nasty white underwear on. And all I want is to get to the mall so I can buy some nice hot undies. But I have no car. And i'm too lazy (and it's my b-day) to do laundry today. Usually i just go commando when there's no clean undies. But it's fucken cold out to have my jeans buttons rubbing against my junk at -10 degrees. I wanna get some Aussiebum undies sooooo bad! the Plobtr I think it's called. But is it worth spending that much for underwear?

27 days until I'm off to see the BF. I know this countdown isn't actually getting bigger, but to me it seems like it. Knowing that the only thing between me and him is time, just makes time that much more stubborn. Father time needs to get his shit together.

I wonder what father time looks like, I think how people portrait him is as an Old man with a bag of sand. Why can't it be a Sam Worthington look-alike running around in tights and throwing sleeping dust all my body... I mean place!I might post some more pics of paintings next time.

Clowns

Well. I already hate my classes.
Went to my 4000 level french grammar class high. That was a mistake. Luckily my table is the cool table and they all knew i was fucked, so the rest of the class just thinks i'm weird, which i'm totally okay with.
The bf still hasn't got his luggage back from chicago.. I feel so bad for him. All those nice clothes, his camera, his christmas gifts.. fucking airlines..

The room mates are drinking tonight, Danni's staying in and drinking, it's because she doesn't feel well enough to go out, but i like to think it's cuz she'd rather stay home with me hah.
I was painting with her earlier, now she locked her door and I can't finish my painting lol.
I ran out of canvases so I was painting a wooden board I found downstairs and some wooden boxes from the dollar store. The rest of the room mates think Danni and I are turning into pot head hippies. Oh well, I guess that's kinda what we are haha.

I've decided to post a couple more pics of one some of my paintings, they seem to attract attention and comments ha. The first one I did by looking of an image I had on my computer a few months back. The second I did free hand a couple weeks ago.
A lot of people say I look like the guy in this painting, that wasn't my intention, but I do agree with them. So this will probably be the closest thing you guys see as to what I look like .

I only had my iphone to take pics at the time, the colours really look better than this lol.

My work

So these are a couple paintings I've done. The first was from last summer and the 2nd is from last month. Keep in mind, I only paint when I'm high, so this is what comes to my head (if i'm not looking at something whilst painting). But yeah.. this is my hobby.

It's funny because after I painted the trippy colorful one my friends kept rotating it and wowing over how it looked cool either way. The bf keeps telling me that the eye is His eye. But i tell him no because his eyes are shit brown and this one is pure lol. Poor guy.

Back to reality

Well it looks like it's gonna rain again..
School has started, I already missed my class this morning. went to my second only to have the prof tell us that it was nice to us again and that it looked like our group got smaller, good afternoon.

I'm not yet prepared for school. I'm mentally still in vacation mode. fuck

Oh and the bf somehow got stuck in Chicago airport yesterday because of all the bullshit they've been doing over there now. he almost had a break down. But apparently he made friends with some new yorkers and Parisians and got a hotel paid for. I told him "well babe, i'll be the next one to stressed over traveling" while thinking "god I hope i'm not fucked like he is"

I miss him though

So I did two more paintings. And they're kinda creepy. I have this like Gothic clown thing going on. And everyone seems to be enjoying them. And a lot of people also mentioned selling them. So i'm beginning to wonder, should I try to market my paintings? How does one go about doing that? Should i start walking around with my amateur paintings in the city and ask random cafés to put em up on the walls? I dunno man...

I have an idea for the 3rd.

Would it be pretentious if I were to post pictures of some of my paintings? hmmm

[picture: Simon Nessman]

Bon voyage

Well.. the bf just left in a cab for the airport. Now there's 40ish days until I see him again.

I'm not a morning person, nor can I go back to sleep once i'm awake. So this morning I get to be sad and tired and restless. Great. I didn't cry this time when he left... neither did he... and that worries me... are we less emotionally attached now? Or does my upcoming trip to France in Feb make us not so sad when he leaves? I hope it's the 2nd one...

Even though the bf and I didn't really do much on his visit other than sit around and smoke and drink for most of the holidays, I had a blast. I love being around him so much, he makes me smile, and can suck a mean dick. Fuck I miss him...

We took it into the shower the other day. That's one of my favorite spots. Doesn't matter what kind of shower it is, it's always a good time. And you can't help but feel that since you're already in a shower getting clean... then you're more inclined to be dirty lol. You know what I'm talking about.

Oh and the bf once again managed to leave an article of clothing behind, a sweater this time. I don't know if he does it on purpose, or if he actually didn't have room in his suit-case, or he didn't like the way his sun-glasses fit.. I dunno... I can't complain lol...

Jolly Gay Christmas

Well, Christmas morning went very well. We watched my nieces open an abundance of gifts (that they don't need) and the bf loved his jogging pants and sweater I got him. And i was surprised with a bottle of Chanel cologne that he got me. My sister got me a gift certificate for American Eagle, it's too bad no one told her that no one shops there anymore... but I do love the boxer briefs they sell there cuz they show off the package very well.

Christmas diner at the grand-parents went even better! I hadn't seen so much of the family in a long while because I was away last Christmas. So it was very nice to see them all, and after introducing them all to the bf, instead of them all ignoring him (like i thought they would) they payed more attention to him than me! Which is hard because i dyed my hair platinum blond a couple days ago haha.

But anyway, like i had explained before, my family is a francophone culture that came from France 400+ years ago, so everyone had questions for the bf about how life and holidays happened over there.

I actually recall (within all the wine and beer) when my sister asked the bf if he wanted some dessert, and he went to the kitchen and I could see him there with my family, it actually made me teary eyed. I don't know if it was the wine... but just seeing someone I love interact with my family on a day as important as Christmas, it was really something else.

Oh and everyone loved the Foie Gras that he brought from France. If you don't know what it is, it's force-fed duck liver made into a paste that you spread on bread, costs a fortune.. sounds awful but it's a delicacy and it tastes amazing. I figured when a stranger comes around and brings duck liver for people to try, everyone was going to think he was weird, but they all loved it :)

Oh and on Christmas eve, when dad returned home from my aunt's, drunk as hell, he offered the bf a cigar, so we all went in the garage (to hide from mom) and smoked cigs and cigars haha. It was something i'd never thought i'd be able to see, my dad and the bf smoking cigars. (well he called them cigars... they were actually strawberry flavored cigarettes)

This was def one of the best Christmas I've ever had.
Hope everyone else had a wonderful Christmas too.

So far so good!

So the bf is outside for a cigarette (he's french, it's normal). So I have time for a short blog (because he sucks on that cig like it's something else) ;)

We went to the grand-parent's last night for a short visit, and the bf and them hit it off I think! Grand-pere just kept asking the bf "all they drink is wine over there eh??". But it was interesting to hear about how he had spent time there and in Amsterdam in the 2nd world war. Little does he know we're going there for spring break to get ridiculously drunk and high, while he saw war and hurt. Cruel world.

Southern, sorry to hear about your laptop, hope it made a full recovery.

And it's really exciting to see I have more readers and followers!!

Oh the bf wants to go fishing with my dad... should i be worried about this? lol

So this is Christmas..

Well, I never realized I would never have the time to post as much as I wanted now that the bf is here. He brought me chocolates and some foie gras (which is like mushed up duck liver) but it's SOOO good. And there's something he has in a bag here, but instead of hiding it, he just leaves it in my room and then tells me I can't look in it... little fucker.

The rents are driving up tomorrow morning to pick us up, then a 3.5 hour long drive back to my home town.. well, I call it home town because that's what is usually referred to when people talk about where they're from. But I was actually born and raised in a little village. The bf and I have a hard time finding stuff to do in the city, not sure how we're going to manage back in my village haha.

I'm planning on just getting drunk off wine the whole time we're there, at least the time will pass and the sex on an air mattress will be interesting.

Oh and I got my plane ticket for France for spring break just a couple hours ago!!! WOOO

The bf keeps telling that I'm too stressed out about christmas, and that the holidays in France are spent relaxing and being happy. He has obviously never seen a north american christmas... I think I get it from my mom though. She's always stressed out, and most christmas's she just ends up crying for one reason or another.

Oh and this whole time, I thought the bf was nervous about going to my grand-parent's place and meeting the whole family. But he's actually really excited and says it's going to be an experience. Then I find out he's more worried about actually waking up with my family christmas morning and opening presents... I thought it would be the other way around...

I'll try to sneak in time to put up more posts.. thankfully he takes long showers ..

Oh and he tried fingering me the other night.. we were both surprised at the response my body had lol. I find it too painful for a dick to be in there.. but his finger was just fine. We might've discovered something here. lol

He's almost here!!!

dI am getting so excited, it's becoming bothersome. I have nothing to do to occupy my mind till the bf arrives tomorrow night. And I can only jerk off so many times a day too. Thank god one of the room mates has an xbox. I know I still have to shower tomorrow and shave and do some serious man-scaping. Like it's kinda scary down there. I had no reason to groom till he got back lol. Don't juge me.

A lot of people in the city are gone or are leaving soon to their homes for Christmas. I also having a really hard time figuring out what to get the BF for x-mas. It was also his birthday last month, so I kinda have to make up for that too. I can't get him clothes because he's too picky. And then there are certain things I can't get him because he wouldn't be able to take back on the plane. I already have a little booklet of blowjob vouchers lol. I'm sure he'll like that. I remember him mentioning how bad he wanted maple syrup for Christmas haha. Weirdo. So i have blow job vouchers and maple syrup... this sounds messy.

But if anyone has any ideas for a foolproof gifts, that would be nice. Oh and remember, I'm a broke student, So not too drastic.

Uh oh...

I'm bringing my foreign boyfriend to my grand-parent's on Christmas day...

Should I just hire the camera crew now and send the tape in to ABC?

maybe Fail Blog?...

My parents have met the bf, and my grand-mother knows I like the boys, and I think most of the family does. But my grand-father doesn't, an 83 year old man, can't hear a word you're saying, and just makes things more awkward than a bat in the cave. But really though, I'm scared. My family's culture is like a sub-culture of the French. The french settled in my province in 1604 and 400 years later, families like mine across the world is what's left from that culture. So we got our dialect in french, and then we have the dialect from France which is my boyfriend. They're both french, yet a french man cannot understand what I'm saying when I'm talking to my parents in french haha. So you can only imagine how hard this is gonna be on the poor bf.

I can't skip on christmas this year. I was away last year and mom would kill me if I wasn't home for it.



I'm also looking at this as a pivotal point in our relationship, bringing him home for holidays, it's like a rite of passage or something lol.

I'll keep the development of this posted.

(felt necessary to put the french piece Clement Chabernaud as a pic)

Can we just talk about this for a second?

I've never seen anything more adorable in my life. This is something that just hits the heart. I've never wanted more to trade in my dog for this dog, and maybe something for Luke Worrall. Just sayin'.
(little bit of humor)

Je m'en fous.

Ok, picture trance needs to stop now. G'night.

One of those nights.

Last night was another one of those nights, where I watched the crew get drunk at the house with the help of beer pong and flip cup and whatever belligerent games they were playing. I myself was not drinking, I don't like to drink, I just don't feel right when I'm doing it. So instead, I get high and in turn, I am entertained by all my drunk friends.

Later in the night, is when everyone ventures out into the cold and goes to the bar that most people can vote on (which usually takes all night). But I stay at home with my high self and wait for them to get back. I'm like the worried mom, worrying about her kids, and staying up to make sure they're back before their curfew. But actually I don't get worried at all, I'm high and alone, so I either clean, play x-box, or jerk an unhealthy amount of times.

Without fail, the roommates and who ever was left clung to them at the end of the night, find their ways back to the house, and we all have a mini after party because by this time, I've been awoken again, or I was still awake rubbing one out. Then we're up till 7 am making fries and rolling joints.
But that's usually how my weekends go around here. I'm a spectator of the going out process, but I do not partake in the actual event. I don't mind it.


What do you guys do on the weekends?

I feel like if I go out, I'm reminded of the times when I used to go out A LOT. The times when I was single, and half the reason I'd go out was to look at guys and possibly hook up. So this "man on the prowl" attitude just finds it's way back into my head when I go out these days. I don't actually hook up, I love my bf, but that's the reason why I don't like going out, it's the fact that everyone's drunk, pretending to be someone else, just to get some pussy or cock. It's a hostile environment for someone like me, who doesn't know how to go out and have a good time cuz i'm too busy checking out the jock's ass at one of the 50 pubs we have in the city.

Thankfully the bf likes to go out when he visits, and I have a good time with him. I like having to speak for him because he thinks his english is bad (which it isn't).



P.S.
Southern I am so sorry to hear about your work being lost like that. I can't imagine what that felt like. I hope you find the time and that wanting to draw again. I have a feeling you're really good at it. Keep them in a safer place next time though :P.

And Mikey! To have my inspiration comment on my blog AND follow me too, just made my week. I had not gotten any views or comments until you and Southern, you both just gave me hope to keep doin' it. Thanks man. Oh and i'm jealous you saw that invictus movie. I personally find rugby players to be some of the hottest men on earth. I'd say hockey is second, You just don't see all that muscle and dirt flying when there's pads and helmets in the way you know? lol. I know the locker room makes up for it, same for any sport lol. I hooked up with the captain of a rugby team at one of the unis here in the city, love the sport ever since lol.

Should I add pics to my posts?

Wake and Bake? I think So!

Interchangeable Hobbies

So have you ever had a hobby in your life, where you loved doing it, you did it a lot, and you were kinda good at it, then the interest of it just dies down. And then you hate yourself for not continuing this hobby?
Well that's what's going on with my paintings. I've been painting since I got back from France last summer. And I've quite a collection going on here, but I've been avoiding the paint brush relentlessly in the last couple weeks. I even had a mini painting party with the Danni and the bf the last time he was here visiting. We had so much fun. I made this trippy abstract looking thing, because I was high as fuck. The bf made another kind of 70's lookin' abstract painting too! ...Oh how i was proud of him. It's always nice to see people find talent in themselves. Now his painting is hung in our living room haha. But why do people give up so easily on hobbies, and collections..? I think it's sad, I used to draw and sketch and collect things, like hot wheels cars, rocks, stamps, even Beanie Babies. God i miss those things. Can you imagine if they came back up in value? I had this one bear worth 500$, the Canadian bear, oh how I was proud.
Maybe it's because people keep asking me to paint stuff for them. But it's weird (especially at the early stages) because all my paintings have this connection with me, because I feel like I put my body in it and my mind and then it just has value to me. Then I think of how i'd have to make something to appease to someone I've only met a couple months ago. fack.

The sushi was magical last night. Southern I'm glad I was able to convince you to give it a try. I also hope that whatever sushi place you decide to try out, they have the vanilla ice cream over deep fried banana and chocolate drizzled. I had a boner from that dessert.


I love wake and bakes. But then I feel like half my day is gone.


Talk to you soon.

MMmmmmm

So we have this sweet sushi place downtown (where that picture was taken) and a few among our group of friends go there every tuesday for happy-hour. And let me tell you folks, sushi is the way to go. If you haven't tried it, I beg you to please do. I know you might be thinking... but it's raw fish, wrapped up in... what is that?
But the fish usually just tastes like meat really, and the stuff they mix it in (I'm still not sure what it is) only adds more flavor to it! And then you have your soy sauce and wasabi.
I personally hate soy sauce though. Looks like molasses, i also hate molasses.

The BF is here in 8 days. Let me tell you something. You know when you just want sex, in any shape or form? Like you just wanted something to rub up on you so badly. Well today was one of those days. And this countdown to his arrival isn't getting any quicker. Thankfully i still remember my ex's password for a gay porn site ... heheh...

Ok, I have some guilt on my chest here... For christmas this year, my parents and the bf have decided to pay for a trip to france to go visit the bf during spring break. And i've never been more happy in my entire life. ( I did a study abroad for the most of a year in France, which is where i met the bf) Going back to europe is going to be amazing. It's as if going there a 2nd time is better than the first. You can do a little bit of what you missed out. In my case, Amsterdam. When i hear the name "Amsterdam" i think of "home" "sanctuary" "paradise". Yet all i've seen are pictures. Can't wait to experience it for myself.


Well i must go. Some of the roommates and I have decided on sushi tonight lol (even though it's not Tuesday). I must shower and be presentable. The jogging pants are becoming a permanent clothing choice lately.

Interesting Day and Song

So tonight was definitely one of the strangest. We had a little miny get together with our friends, who all came over magically with a little bit of green goodness. It was amazing listening to Dannis' over powering Jay-Z/Drake/Lil Wayne/Trey Songz/Kanye West beats blaring in your conscious song after song. This part of the night was a good kick off to my holidays.

But what happens next is a little ridiculous.

We somehow managed to have a crazy old man appear on our front step, with a pink touque on, telling two innocent bystanders that he's having a heart attack and needed and ambulance...

So we're all in the house transitioning out of our hip-hop trance and then had to start worrying about a man on the brink of death on our front porch.

But then after Sam and others had checked out the situation outside, we find out he's just faking it all, probably so that he could get some crazy pills from the hospital down the street... fucking lazy crazy man... walk the extra 3 blocks.

It was at that first instant that I was reminded how much some of the people living in the house hated our dog. I was kinda hoping the dog would pull off a Lassie and carry the old man to the hospital and save him when the lunatic was "seeing the light". But he just laid there and watched.
Useless dog.


Oh and people keep asking me to paint shit for them. But until I get some cash, i can't do shit for them. Don't take advantage of the artsy fartsy gay in the house down the street. Foo


My boo flies in, in t-minus 9 days. Cannot wait.

G'night everyone.

Why is it..

Why is it, that because I'm gay, that my best friend Danni (who lives with me) will assume that I'm looking forward to a day of shopping in our shitty mall? I have no money to shop for myself, yet watching her spend her mom's money will somehow make me forget how broke I am? lol
I think not!
But, like I said, I'm her best friend... so i have no choice -_-


Wish me luck